Mephit Mania
Hello everyone. Today’s Foursaken Feature is all about updating the old Planescape campaign setting for 4th edition use. If you’ll just hang on a moment while I open my handy-dandy planar gate…
Oh no! It’s a swarm of mephits! Quick, everyone! Head for the hills! What are you waiting for? This is no time to dawdle! Run, you fools, run!
Lightning Mephits:
One of the few wingless mephits, lightning mephits’ bodies are actually comprised of jagged arcs of lightning which connect its white, bulbous, hands, feet, and head, which are made of flesh. They constantly produce a pure, white light, which goes out if they die. They fly at exceptional speeds, but often have difficulty controlling their movements, bumping into objects and other fliers with alarming frequency.
Lightning mephits are exceptionally energetic, and though it is often difficult to get any mephit to shut up, this is even more the case with lightning mephits, who talk almost continuously and at very high speeds, often rambling off unto undesired tangents and rarely managing to make much of a point. They are also highly excitable, expressing awe and amazement over anything new (and usually asking dozens of rapid-pace questions about it). They are generally gregarious, and prefer to make friends rather than enemies.
Lightning mephits are rarely sent as messengers, but are occasionally sent to one’s enemies as a request to team up against a mutual foe. These offers are not always genuine, however, and sometimes just serve as a thin excuse to dump an annoying lightning mephit off on a hated enemy. Lightning mephit servants are occasionally used to power electrical devices (though they tend to lack the attention span necessary for these tasks, and wander off), or else placed inside glass and used as a light source.
Mineral Mephits:
At first glance, a mineral mephit is easy to mistake for an earth mephit, as they have very similar builds, and mineral mephits are also made of rock and stone. Unlike earth mephits, however, mineral mephits’ bodies are studded with semi-precious gems, the two highest-quality of which serve as the mephit’s eyes. Additionally, their wings (which, like an earth mephit’s do not move) are made of metal, rather than stone. In addition to their regeneration, a mineral mephit can heal by consuming gems and coins, healing 1 hp per 10 gold worth of minerals consumed in this way.
Mineral mephits are even more wealth-obsessed than their earth-aligned cousins. Not only do they go out of their way to acquire wealth (often thinking of themselves as appropriate “guardians” for any wealth poorly guarded enough for them to acquire), but once they have it they hoard it greedily, constantly checking on it and ensuring it hasn’t been stolen while out of their sight. Mineral mephits who acquire any kind of real wealth quickly go insane with paranoia.
One sends a mineral mephit to open negotiations for a deal or barter of some kind. Mineral mephits sent in this way can typically look forward to the unpleasant fate of having all of the valuable parts of their bodies removed and added to the recipient’s treasure hoard, with the rest of the body discarded or slain, regardless of whether the recipient accepts the proposal or not. Mineral mephit servants make remarkably poor guardians for treasure, considering their penchant for taking things that don’t belong to them, but are occasionally employed as other forms of muscle. Still, the vast majority of mineral mephits are harvested for parts and discarded.
Mist Mephits:
Mist mephits have pale green skin which is constantly moist and clammy to the touch. If a mist mephit stands in one place for a long enough period of time he begins to create puddles. They dislike strong winds, and will go to great lengths way to avoid them.
Mist mephits consider themselves excellent spies, and go out of their way to demonstrate that to any authority figure or potential employer they come across. They are incorrigible tattle-tales, and though they constantly try to pump other mephits for juicy secrets or gossip, it doesn’t take long before none of their peers are willing to speak with them at all.
Mist mephits are sent as a warning that the sender knows some deep, dark secret of the recipient’s, and are usually the beginning of a blackmail attempt. This is sometimes a bluff, however, so it is best to be careful when responding to a mist mephit messenger. A mist mephit who is trained to tell their secrets only to their master can actually make a fairly decent spy, but otherwise mist mephits are of little value as servants.
Steam Mephits:
Steam mephits have a dull, reddish-grey skin, with bulbous noses and huge, oversized pores. Their pores constantly release steam, meaning that everywhere these mephits go they are followed by a high-pitched hissing noise. This steam also causes them to leave trails of hot water everywhere they go.
Steam mephits are the self-proclaimed bosses of mephitkind, something which other mephits tend to completely ignore. This infuriates the steam mephits to no end, especially in the case of mist mephits, who are longtime enemies of steam mephits (this is most likely due to the fact that the two tend to share similar territory in the elemental chaos). In general, steam mephits are very quick to anger, often flying off the handle over small slights. They have been known to attack creatures many times their size.
Steam mephits are almost always sent along with an ultimatum of some kind, though they can occasionally be used to remind the recipient of the sender’s rightful authority over them in some matter. As servants, steam mephits are used either as heat sources, or to power steam-driven engines.
Are they gone? Good. I wasn’t sure we were going to make it, for a second there. I think they’re trying to stop me from completing the project I’m working on: a ritual which allows one to bind a mephit as a permanent companion. There are still a few bugs to work out, but if you’re interested in the concept, send me an e-mail at ariggs@necromancers-online.com and I’ll see about getting it finished for a future article.