Weapons of
Mass Affection
It’s Romance Week this week, so naturally today’s items are going to be the usual fare of love-related artifacts: love potions, fertility statues, and wands that are marketed as “back-massagers.” Except, of course, that that’s not what I have for you today at all. No, today I bring you weapons.
“Weapons,” you ask? That’s right, weapons. After all, it’s common knowledge that love is a battlefield, and all’s fair in love and war, and probably about half a dozen other sayings with a similar sentiment that I don’t happen to recall off the top of my head. Of course, it’s not exactly clear what the sides are in this metaphorical battle—men versus women? One suitor versus another? Star-crossed lovers versus an uncaring world?—but that’s not what’s important. What’s important is that you’re as heavily armed as possible. So, without further ado, here are some romantic (sort of) weapons.
Cupid’s Arrow
While these arrows may not be able to inflict physical wounds, they are still capable of dealing quite a bit of damage. The tip of a cupid’s arrow is soft, and resembles a heart. A creature struck by a cupid’s arrow takes no damage, but must succeed on a Will save (DC 18) or be affected as though by the spell charm monster. The creature towards whom they are charmed is never the wielder, but is instead randomly determined from among all the other creatures that the target can currently see. If the target is not currently able to see any creatures besides the wielder, then he is not affected until the next time he sees another creature. If 24 hours pass and he has not seen another creature, the effect is wasted.
The duration of the charm monster effect is permanent, but can be removed with remove curse or more powerful magic.
None of a cupid’s arrow’s special abilities count as an enhancement-bonus equivalent, andit is treated as a +0-equivalent weapon for the purposes of the cost of adding additional special abilities to it.
Ladykiller
This +1 longsword is especially deadly when wielded against women. Ladykiller’s crossguard is sculpted to resemble the upper body of a particularly muscular man, his arms curled as though to flex his biceps. Against female creatures of the humanoid or monstrous humanoid types, ladykiller’s enhancement bonus is treated as 2 higher than it actually is, its critical threat range is increased by 1 (typically to 18-20; if it were made keen, it would be 16-20),and it deals an extra 2d6 points of damage against such foes.
Additionally, once per day, the wielder of a ladykiller may point it at any humanoid or monstrous humanoid within 60 feet and speak a command word. The target must succeed on a Will save (DC 10 + ladykiller’s enhancement bonus + the wielder’s Charisma modifier) or fly into a misogynistic rage. The target is affected as though by the spell rage, and, additionally, immediately attacks the nearest female humanoid or monstrous humanoid creature, doing its best to kill her if possible. This effect lasts for a number of minutes equal to three times ladykiller’s enhancement bonus, or until there are no female humanoids or monstrous humanoids for the target to attack, whichever comes first.
Some of ladykiller’s special abilities count as an enhancement-bonus equivalent, and it is treated as a +3-equivalent weapon for the purposes of the cost of adding additional special abilities to it.
Lovecutter
This +1 dagger is said to be able to slice through the bonds of love, and is the last refuge of many a passed-over suitor. Its pommel is set with a large black gem in the shape of a heart, which bears a long crack down the middle, nearly splitting it in two. Lovecutter is well known for its ability to abruptly and magically sever romantic relationships. Once per day, when you make an attack with lovecutter, you may choose to have it damage the target’s relationship, rather than his body. If the attack hits, the target takes only 1 point of damage, but roll damage as normal, anyway. Each person that the target is romantically involved with must succeed on a Will save (DC 10 + the result of the damage roll) or be overwhelmed with disgust and hatred towards the target. Affected creatures have their attitude towards the target changed to hostile. This change in attitude is permanent, but can be removed by remove curse or more powerful magic, and can be temporarily overwritten even by spells as simple as charm person. No mundane attempts to alter an affected creature’s attitude towards the target have any effect, however.
None of lovecutter’s special abilities count as an enhancement-bonus equivalent, andit is treated as a +1-equivalent weapon for the purposes of the cost of adding additional special abilities to it.
Maneater
This +1 battleaxe is particularly deadly when wielded against men. The axe’s head is engraved with the images of eunuchs groveling at the feet of a radiant queen. Against male creatures of the humanoid or monstrous humanoid types, maneater’s enhancement bonus is treated as 2 higher than it actually is, it deals an extra 2d6 points of damage against such foes, and on a critical hit it against such a creature, it deals a further 2d10 points of damage.
Additionally, once per day, the wielder of maneater may point it at a male humanoid or monstrous humanoid within 60 feet and speak a command word. The target must succeed on a Will save (DC 10 + maneater’s enhancement bonus + the wielder’s Charisma modifier) or become a spineless sycophant in the face of any woman he encounters. If the target fails his save, then any time he encounters a female humanoid or monstrous humanoid creature, he is automatically affected as though by the spell charm monster (no save), adjusting his attitude towards that creature to be friendly, and allowing that creature to issue orders to him with an opposed Charisma check. If two women give the target conflicting orders, or if a woman gives the target an order that conflicts with another charm effect (such as from the spell charm person), the characters issuing the orders make opposed Charisma checks to determine which order is obeyed.This effect lasts for a number of hours equal to three times maneater’s enhancement bonus.
Some of maneater’s special abilities count as an enhancement-bonus equivalent, and it is treated as a +3-equivalent weapon for the purposes of the cost of adding additional special abilities to it.