I, Candy
It’s Candy Week here at Necromancers of the Northwest, a week devoted to all your favorite sweet treats. This week’s article might be a little on the silly side, and I’m not going to sugarcoat it: we’re featuring some sweet solutions to the everyday lives of most adventurers. Imagine yourself dispatching a dragon with a penny candy lance, a chocolate shield, and a suit of sticky butterscotch armor. Check out these delicious pieces of heroic equipment.
BUTTERSCOTCH BULWARK PRICE 25,160 gp
Slot none; CL 9th; Weight 15 lbs.
Aura moderate transmutation
This armor was created by a gentle wizard who ran an exceptional confectionary when his best customer was conscripted. The suit is made from magical butterscotch which constantly replenishes itself and remains sticky and melted, ready to eat and able to adhere to various weapons, with the aim of keeping the wearer safe by disarming his foes.
This curious armor functions as a suit of +1 leather armor and additionally produces up to 100 lbs. of delicious butterscotch each day. This butterscotch is magical in nature and provides no calories, both preventing those that eat it from gaining weight and failing to provide any real sustenance to the eater. In addition to these effects, the armor attempts to grab any weapon that attacks its wearer. The first time each day that any given creature makes a weapon attack against the wearer of a butterscotch bulwark, the wearer may attempt a free disarm combat maneuver to attempt to disarm the attacker of the weapon it used to make the attack. If the attack is successful, the attacker’s weapon becomes stuck to the wearer’s armor and cannot be pried free without a DC 25 Strength check.
Craft Magical Arms and Armor, telekinesis
CHOCOLATE SHIELD PRICE 70,157 gp
Slot none; CL 11th; Weight 10 lbs.
Aura moderate conjuration
A traditional armament for a remote jungle tribe, these shields are little more than wooden frames filled with magical blocks of sweetened milk chocolate. However, they provide substantial defensive benefits due to the fact that the cocoa used in the shields’ production is grown in a field laced with abjurative magic.
These +1 heavy wooden shields each hold 6 blocks of magically strengthened milk chocolate, which replenish each day at dawn, if eaten. Each of these blocks of chocolate provides an additional +1 shield bonus to AC. Each of these chocolate blocks can also be eaten to provide additional defensive powers; when consumed as a standard action, the consumer gains a +2 luck bonus to AC and on all saving throws for 1 minute. The effects of the chocolate are not cumulative, and a creature consuming two doses of the chocolate becomes sickened for 1d4 rounds. Each time a block of chocolate is removed from the shield, however, the shield loses the +1 shield bonus granted by that block (the bonus is regained the next dawn when the chocolate is replenished).
Some of a chocolate shield’s unique abilities count as an enhancement bonus equivalent, and it is treated as a +7-equivalent shield for the purposes of the cost of further improving its magical abilities.
Craft Wondrous Item, heroes’ feast
PENNY CANDY LANCE PRICE 6,310
Slot none; CL 3rd; Weight 10 lbs.
Aura faint enchantment
These colorful weapons were originally created by a mad court mage for the entertainment of a child king, who demanded candy and jousting. The lances are made to traditional lance specifications, but are made from sweet sugar and magic, often having spirals of brilliant colors and fruit flavors that wind the length of the lance.
Though somewhat more brittle than a typical lance (half the normal hardness and hit points), the nature of magical construction makes these serviceable weapons. Each penny candy lance functions as a +1 lance, which through accident transmits some of its sweetness to those it hits. Any creature that suffers damage from a charge attack made with the penny candy lance must succeed on a Will save (DC 11) or have their attitude towards the wielder of the lance improved to friendly for 1 minute. Subsequent attacks against the affected creature end this effect. Additionally, the lance has a calming effect when licked, and any creature that licks the lance is affected by a calm emotions spell.
Craft Wondrous Item, calm emotions, charm person